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Who put the ape in apricot?

August 5, 2008

When I was little, I was always impatient with Fred Flintstone because when the cat threw him out for the night, he pounded on the door to have Wilma let him in, when he could have easily climbed in the window, because there was NO GLASS!  I always dreamed that I would marry someone like Roger Ramjet, and we could eat Proton Energy Pills, and I wouldn’t have to cook… .

Well, you guessed it!  I married Fred, in all his Water Buffalo glory.  I’m suing Hanna Barbera, for mental anguish, and for letting me think that cartoons weren’t based on real life.  Not only did I get Fred, but I have Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, and the Tasmanian Devil with a little Snidely Whiplash mixed in.  Complete with sound effects!  Picture this – you are tenderly counting your chickens (already hatched ones) from the hatchery.  As your doing this, Fred DH is has one in the air, strafing the ground troops chicks on the floor of the brooder.  Luckily chickens don’t remember their first days. 

But I do know what side my bread is buttered on.  DH has decided – UGH! ME MAN, DO MAN STUFF (thump chest) YOU WOMAN, DO WOMAN STUFF!!  (Unless he decides he needs help.)  So today while he was at work, we did both.  Henry is looking for love in all the wrong places, and I have to move him and his harem, which he tiring of, past the sweet young things that are bawling their brains out, calling for him.
So, we are moving the girls again, which meant lightly fixing some bad fence, that is going to come out, just not yet. 
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Pebbles DD is putting backside insulators on these T-posts, so we can run a hot wire on the side the heifers will be on.  She had already looked for missing clips on the barb wire and replaced those.  The bull side already has a hot wire in offset insulators.  This only needs to work for about 10 minutes, and then Henry and the herd will go through the woods, and I can bring them back around to the other side of the ridge.  Out of sight helps, but is no guarantee.  I’m keeping my batteries charged and Fred DH built me some nice gates this weekend.  So I’m keeping my fingers crossed, because there is no way those heifers are keeping their legs crossed if they get out.

Guys:  quit reading here right now!  This is girl stuff!
I usually try the manipulative sweet way to get things moving, so I decided while scheduling DH’s every waking minute after he comes home, that I would bake him a pie to keep things going smoothly.  You see, I want him to cut hay until dark, or until the grass gets tough, which ever happens first.  And, even though he has made it law himself, that I don’t have to mow that hay, he still wants to complain about the fact that he has to do it.  And, despite the glowing post on our anniversary, a lot happens in 30 years.  Picture a couple of stiff legged dogs walking around each other with their hackles up.  You get the picture.  If there is two ways to do something and come up with the same result – that’s what we will do.  Sometimes, I wonder when you hear a spouse “accidentally”  ran over the other spouse with an RV or car, if it was an accident.  You know what I mean??  Sometimes when I’m hallucinating, the words printed on my mirrors on my pickup say, “Objects in the mirror are close to getting backed over, if they don’t quit gesturing like that!”  Then my eyes clear and I back up safely.  With a smile on my face. 😉

Don’t get me wrong, I like our roles, and I like working on the fence in hot weather, but I wish someone else would bake that pie.  But, I promised a snack after work, and no dinner until the hay is cut!
So now what do I do?  He doesn’t care what kind of pie I make, but, I have to come up with something and not make it too hard on myself.  I am deathly against getting something out of the freezer, and the apples or blackberries aren’t ready yet.  Hmmm, do think he’s right?  I should manage my own time better, and let him be?  He’s right!

What would Wilma do in a crisis like this?  I know, be frugal, and improvise.  The smell of apricots was beckoning to me.  It’s a running joke here that I can’t follow a recipe.  So guilty as charged.  I make them up as I go – DH says the last 30 years has been a Culinary Blur, he says it’s a compliment, but I’m not sure… .  How can I believe he is being truthful, when it took him 15 years of eating mincemeat pie with meat, before he confessed, that at first it grossed him out.  He calls me the “Intimidator.” 

So here is the recipe, try it if you dare.

PROTON ENERGY PIE (In a Pinch Apricot Pie)

The measurements are not critical and to taste.

Pastry for 2-crust 11″ pie
Colander of apricots, that you need to use up
1 cup of sugar  (it turned out quite tart, use more if you like sweet fruit pie)
2 tablespoons tapioca starch (it did run over a little, but it set up perfectly – add more if you don’t like to clean your oven, or put the pie on a baking sheet and increase the baking time a little.)
juice of the 1/2 lime still sitting on the counter, that’s drying up
capful of almond extract

Halve and pit apricots, combine all ingredients while you make the crust.  Call hubby at work and tell him you’re baking a pie, to get him excited.  (You want him to think about how good that pie is going to taste, not how hot is will be in the hayfield.)
Bake at 400* for 15 minutes, continue baking for 45 minutes more (or until done) at 350*.

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The pie turned out great, and the hay turned out even better!  Thanks Fred!  You deserve that pie!

17 Comments leave one →
  1. August 5, 2008 11:14 pm

    ME LIKE PIE !!! WOMAN MAKE GOOD PIE !!! Really though, it looks great. Sounds like you need a vacation. ha!


  2. August 6, 2008 7:46 am

    Chris, you know I’m just kidding around. I’m sure the thought has crossed his mind too. What’s a vacation?

  3. August 6, 2008 8:04 am

    If there is two ways to do something and come up with the same result – that’s what we will do.

    My hubby and I are the exact same way, and have been married no where near as long. I wonder if that’s a common theme in couples who are also do-it-yourselfers…

  4. August 6, 2008 9:20 am

    “Sometimes, I wonder when you hear a spouse “accidentally” ran over the other spouse with an RV or car, if it was an accident. You know what I mean??

    One of the reasons my husband is very careful when things get heated… he knows I occasionally have low impulse control. Not on PURPOSE mind you.

    Like the one time we were playing and he made me mad and it seemed funny at the time to play punch him in the ribs. Except I forgot the play part. It surprised me as much as it did him.

    Needless to say, he does all the “backing up” at our house.

  5. August 6, 2008 10:19 am

    If you got Fred I got Barney, does that make us Wilma and Betty? Pebbles is cute you know, too bad I don’t have a Bam Bam.:) All the best with the haying/fencing/moving of bovines and keeping the heifers legs crossed. You made me laugh and I thought of this all morning.

  6. August 6, 2008 10:35 am

    This post made me laugh out loud! Ah well, just like Wilma, we love our stoneage Fred’s. My Fred Flintstone, I mean hubby, would love that pie! It looks beautiful with that pretty fluted edge and your decorative vent marks. I bet it tastes awesome.

    Great photo of your daughter working the fence line. I love the composition peeking through the trees with the truck in the background. Hope all of you stayed cool in yesterday’s heat (and hope Henry keeps his cool with the ladies!).

  7. August 6, 2008 8:05 pm

    “Objects in the mirror are close to getting backed over, if they don’t quit gesturing like that!”

    Oh my gosh, MOH! This makes me laugh out loud! My DH does the gesturing at me when I’m backing up enough that our son thinks I need someone to do it ALL THE TIME! Even forward!

    I’m pretty sure my mirrors say the same as yours do… 😉

  8. August 6, 2008 9:07 pm

    The pie looks great. I get the same accusations around here about following recipes. If I happen to follow one, my husband asks what I did with his wife.

    I love the description of the objects in mirror. It still happens after 45 years as I heard my mom complain about my dad’s misadventures in telling her more needs to be done as she is running around like a crazy person busy. When he was having a crazy afternoon, she was tempted to go and say to him “When you have a few moments, the wood needs to be chopped” but she didn’t want to be the object in the mirror.

    I have been making pies lately, mostly berry pies. I was trying to use up some in the freezer from last year to make room for this year, but then started using fresh. I still have a ton in the freezer from last summer.

  9. August 6, 2008 10:14 pm

    Kathie, it’s either the DIY, or Mars and Venus thing. We draw pictures now – it’s much easier. Even with a map, and explicit instructions not to mow the hay on the hillside, he still mowed the hay on the hillside, sigh. After all this time we just agree, to disagree on some things.

    Meadowlark, that’s funny, we try to just stay away from those trigger points. I hate hooking up to the trailer when someone is looking. When no one is there “waving” to me I can get it on the first try.

    Linda/Betty, that’s probably right, Betty was much cuter than Wilma. Yeah, I wish you had a Bam Bam too, she hates our climate, and she wants more horses and cows. Two of those crazy heifers were in heat last night, luckily that was a dim memory this morning. Henry took his old ladies and didn’t even look back. Phew!

    Paula, thanks, the pie did turn out good. Made me wish I had more to put in the freezer for future pies. I long for those kind of shows on TV. I grew up on Westerns and primetime cartoons that were family friendly.

    I have to pay her back for taking pictures of me! That one turned out good. So far so good with Henry, he’s being very good.

    Colleen, I was pretty sure this would cause a nod of the head from all the farm and ranch wives out there.

    Your little Shea, sounds like my kid – the first time she went with me to repair a gate, she asked me if I knew what I was doing???? I calmly explained that I showed Daddy how to build a wire gate. I had to chuckle though.

    Gesturing sometimes necessary, most of the time NOT.

    Dawn, recipes are just guidelines right? I bet they love your cooking, recipes or not.

    Oh no – you mean it never stops? 45 years, oh my… . When something goes wrong, it’s usually “Well, why did you do that?” As if, it was done on purpose. I have gotten pretty good at biting my lip, I’m a firm believer of picking which hill I want to die on. A couple of weeks ago, I let him drive the hay truck, since his toe hurt, and when I pointed out the bale under the tire, the air was blue. It was apparently my fault, because I didn’t move it out of the way. Which he never does for me! I should have kept quiet, I guess…he would have figured it out eventually. 😉

    Our wild berries aren’t ripe yet, and I was going to make jam out the ones left in the freezer from last year, but now I think I will wait, if we get a rainy September, I may not get any. The weather has been much cooler this year. Everything is so late.

  10. Kristen permalink
    August 7, 2008 5:30 am

    Shame on you for being so funny early in the morning…:-) I woke my kids up I was laughing so hard. We love our men but why can’t they just always be agreeable with EVERYTHING we say…I mean come on wouldn’t that just be dandy?

  11. August 7, 2008 6:04 am

    Kristen, I know, why don’t they just do what we say?? They are funny creatures. I especially love it when I’m trying to go to sleep and he remembers “one more” thing that he has to tell me. He’s jumping and waving his arms for emphasis, (sound effects, too) and I just want him to be still and say the words and quit shaking the bed… . Sigh

  12. August 7, 2008 4:38 pm

    “Objects in the mirror are close to getting backed over, if they don’t quit gesturing like that!”

    Oh good lord, you made me laugh out loud and I had to share it with my husband later. Too funny!

  13. August 7, 2008 5:09 pm

    Too too funny!! I enjoyed this!! Once, I made the mistake of speaking my mind and called my husband an assh***. As soon as I said it I regretted it, but it was truly how I felt at the time. Needless to say, the husband was not pleased and gave me an earful.

    Love the image of the cows not keeping their legs crossed!!! ha!

  14. August 8, 2008 6:48 am

    Entertaining posts, thanks for the laugh. My hubby drives me nuts to, more often then not! 🙂

  15. August 10, 2008 12:51 pm

    Thanks for commenting on my blog…because now I get to read yours!

    I love this – I feel like I’m actually learning stuff and being entertained at the same time.

    I adore your name and that looks like the best pie ever. I wish I could make pretty crust like that!

  16. August 10, 2008 12:54 pm

    By the way, we do Man Work and Woman Work too. It’s alright until I’m canning tomatoes and the baby starts crying… then he’s gotta do one or the other! 🙂

  17. August 10, 2008 10:09 pm

    Sarah, you know how it is after you have been married awhile – I’m glad you got a kick out that.

    Jenny, I haven’t been that brave, but sometimes… . But, I know it goes both ways.

    Kim, I know, that must be why they say, “Can’t live with them, and can’t live without them!”

    CottonWife, thanks, but you know that cobbler had my mouth watering. It looked very good.

    I liked your post about the diaper changing. I lucked out, I went back to work after our daughter was born, and guess who was a SAHD! He didn’t get a chance to “pretend” he didn’t know what was going on.

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