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Match Maid in Heaven

December 27, 2010

Gee, what to get a girl who builds a fire or two everyday, and likes anything to do with home dairy?  How about a vintage match safe in the shape of a cream separator?  No matter that my cream separator is a McCormick Deering, I’ll be more than happy to look at this De Laval advertising piece.  Imagine useful advertising.  No droning commercials, no snake oil, just a useful reminder to patronize a company.  Everyday, the housewife would light the fire, and be glad for this little handy item.  Most likely she had the real cream separator too.

And speaking of matches made in heaven, for many years I would dread Hangdog getting a wild hair and wanting to hog mow.  It seemed that every time he got near the thing he found every hose and anything else we forgot to pick up.  And if you have ever “found” anything with a brush hog, you know what I mean.  Hoses are especially fun, it’s never a pretty sight.  And of course, I had to be the one to never let him live down each incident.

Well, you can imagine the rest of this story no doubt.  Since Hangdog now works off the farm, guess who is back on hog mowing detail?  Me.  Every year before I till the garden I remove my cosmic pipe, (which was a gift from Hangdog) and put it in a very safe place.  I used to be pretty good at playing Memory, but when the grass is three feet tall and you’re just trying to get as close to a tree as you can, and Whomp!!! You hit something, it wakes you up. 😉

Cosmic pipe in  safe place.

The worst of it was that it didn’t even occur to me what I had mangled and sent spewing in every direction until I got off the tractor to investigate.  This wasn’t the same as wrapping garden hose around the shaft.  I can quietly buy a replacement hose, but a cosmic pipe like mine – I would have to come clean.  Arrghhh – I could just imagine the look I was going to get.

I decided to meet the challenge head-on, and go tell Hangdog about the damages and get the wrath over and done with.

Of course, I got the usual question and the look.

“Why did you do that?”

Now seriously, when he asks me that question, (and he has before) I always want to say something smart aleck like, “I wanted to see how much it would bog down the engine if I hog mowed a terra cotta pipe…” But you know in a marriage, especially a long timey one, some things just don’t get said, and rightfully so.

I could tell he was wavering between disgust and glee as he thought about how much he could rub this one in.  Not like we keep track or anything, but a cosmic pipe way outweighs a hose or barking an apple tree up.  This was a coup for him, for sure 😦  And me in my usual fashion, I assumed he would just make me another one…I should have known better though, since when he first asked me out, I turned him down, and I was sure he would ask me again in a couple of days.  Ha, little did I know what lurked behind those steely blue eyes – stubbornness!!  I finally got tired of waiting and asked him out – and the rest is history as they say.  Years later when he revealed he would have never asked me out again, I was glad I took matters in my own hands and did the asking.

Summer wore on, and I casually mentioned a few times about needing a new cosmic pipe, but I just would get a grunt or two and that was it.  I figured that was that.  Even when Santa’s workshop came to life, I had no idea what he was making, our version of romantic gifts run the gamut of an axe to a Lady Smith.  Imagine my surprise to see my new cosmic pipe.  No pictures yet, because he didn’t finish it, but I am already coming up with ideas for a safe place for it when it comes time to mow the orchard again 😉  What a guy!!

13 Comments leave one →
  1. Jennifer Krieger permalink
    December 27, 2010 8:05 am

    Back to work after the holidays, eh, Matron. Cows wait for no saint.
    For those of us comfortably ensconced in the suburbs, please, a few definitions:
    Hog mow?
    Cosmic pipe? I can think of all kinds of definitions here.

    • December 27, 2010 8:32 am

      Jenny, LOL, you know every profession has its jargon 🙂 A hog mower is a rotary mower that works off the tractor’s power takeoff (PTO) and is basically a redneck lawnmower for us who don’t really have neat lawns 🙂 Also known as a brush hog. And just when you thought I was off the deep end, I start talking about cosmic pipes that broadcast the earth’s energy across crop land. Check out the link in the post, it may explain things a little better than I can, or confirm your suspicions about my mental state 😉

    • Kimberly permalink
      December 27, 2010 3:22 pm

      Brush hogs can cut shrubs with trunks 1-2″ in diameter. We used it to cut down sage bushes that were 4′ tall. Our acreage “kinda” looked manicured. (wink) We only did that once because we found out quickly that tall shrubs helped block wind and that feature trumped the “manicured” look.

  2. December 27, 2010 9:26 am

    Now seriously, when he asks me that question, (and he has before) I always want to say something smart aleck like, “I wanted to see how much it would bog down the engine if I hog mowed a terra cotta pipe…” But you know in a marriage, especially a long timey one, some things just don’t get said, and rightfully so.

    You know, everybody is different, and every pair of bodies doubly so, but my partner and I tend to answer an obvious question with the obvious (smart-aleck) answer. It’s always said with love, and it works for us, but I don’t know if I’d recommend it to everybody. I’d probably say exactly what you did, with as little sarcasm as possible, and then we’d both roll our eyes and laugh.

  3. December 27, 2010 10:25 am

    Wow, it is the time of the evening when, having drunk a couple of glasses of the local red I sneak off to our frozen office and catch up on Google Reader. Sitting here reading this I look at my glass of wine and wonder how much I’ve already drunk.

    What a wonderful world this is when folk can mow their cosmic pipe with a bush hog, er, gyrobroyeur. (

  4. December 27, 2010 10:44 am

    Wow.. yea.. Cosmic pipes are a new one for me.

    I’ll plant by moon sign, that makes some sense to my logical brain matter. And Biodynamic principles of keeping fertility/stock/seeds all on the farm, I’m a fan of.
    But Cosmic pipes? Not only is this one new to me, I’m not sure I buy into it. Streams of lime and silica? Reagents dispersed on the level of a cup for a half-mile spread? Nope, I don’t see any of that making it through my “crazy” filters. I’m open to the thought of forces at work we don’t yet understand, I’m just not quite convinced.

    Perhaps you’ve done some experiments and could enlighten me?

  5. December 27, 2010 11:02 am

    I understand those long-timey marriage gift things! Great story! I have the cream separated in real size, they are cool in thier own right.

    Happy New Year!


  6. Tami permalink
    December 27, 2010 2:27 pm

    We call it “cultivator blight” around here…the weed eater and I have been known to do some damage, I won’t even go into the things we’ve taken down…eek! What wonderful and thoughtful gifts you received though! Enjoy!

  7. December 27, 2010 4:30 pm

    I “found” the steel rod that holds…umm…held my laundry line up, this past summer with our brush hog. I can still feel the good jolt it gave me….I think I like tall grass better 😉

  8. Chris permalink
    December 27, 2010 4:31 pm

    I have another question regarding the jargon here….hangdog??

  9. akaangrywhiteman permalink
    December 27, 2010 4:54 pm

    I had a Cosmic Pipe 30 or 35 years ago, it was a little different than yours, it caused fits of giggling and gave you the munchies.

  10. December 27, 2010 5:09 pm

    You know, I was looking up one of your mince meat posts the other day and came across an old post you did on how the two of you first met and started a life together (I love how you were married). Anyway, what a great life you have and one that has obviously stood the test of time…I hope that my wife and I do as well.

  11. Paul van der Walt permalink
    March 18, 2011 12:40 am

    I just love the idea of cosmic pipes and did build the version of Hugh Lovel. I does work, but is expensive and requires a lot of component sourcing, as the diodes are dificult to find. I would appreciate if you would be so kind to give me a bit more details and knowhow about how to build a pipe like yours. It does look much more enviromental friendly than the pvc ones and the use of earthenware seems to strike a cord when it come to the litterature in The Towers of Power.

    Regards from South Africa


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